The Clotharian Contamination Protocol

"The Clotharian Contamination Protocol"

Plot
Wendy and Tyler are leaving a coffee house where Tyler performed… and Wendy was his only audience. Tyler is cool with it and confident he gave a great performance. They stop off for hot dogs at a street stand and Wendy starts rambling to the stand owner while two cars crash in the intersection behind them. One driver pulls out a baseball bat and prepares to attack the other, and Tyler quickly disarms him. The victim, a richly-dressed man, praises Tyler on his diplomatic skills and physical skills, and offers him a job. He gives Tyler his card and departs.

The next morning at the sublet, Tyler comes down from Wendy's room for breakfast while Wendy gets a two-minute emergency alert from The Middleman, who warns they have a nine pan-galactic incursion. Tyler shows Lacey and Noser the man's card and they recognize him as Manservant Neville, owner of Fatboy Industries and creator of the uMaster portable green-friendly music system that everybody owns. They're interrupted when The Middleman arrives in a hazmat suit. As they leave, he explains that Voyager 2 is heading back to Earth despite the fact it was sent on a one-way trip out of the solar system.

The duo arrives at Voyager 2s crash site and recover the black box. A team arrives and The Middleman identifies himself and Wendy as NASA scientists. The new arrivals are NASA, but The Middleman quickly intimidates them into backing down. They take Voyagers black box back to Middleman HQ.

Lacey and Noser listen to Tyler's newest song and congratulate him on his talent. Manservant Neville arrives and knows all about them. He insists that fate has brought them together and wants Tyler to work for him. He tells Tyler to come to Fatboy Tower the next day and then departs. Lacey insists that Tyler goes and she'll drive him.

The Interrodroid 5000 brings in the Voyager black box into Ops. They open it and find a metal item with Clotharian glyphs on it. Wendy remembers Clothar as the galaxy that sent five dictators to Earth where they formed Varsity Fanclub. The item detonates, destroying Interrodroid 5000 and releasing a virus setting off an alert that seals off the entire HQ. Ida gets Wendy and The Middleman into decontamination as they disrobe. The Middleman asks for some privacy and then informs Wendy that they have to remove all of their clothing and scrub down.

Lacey and Tyler arrive at Fatboy Tower and have to wait. Lacey assures him he's going on an adventure and the worst that can happen is that he turns down Manservant Neville yet again. Tyler is called away and informed that he'll have to take a few tests. Tyler undergoes a series of bizarre mental and physical tests.

Wendy and The Middleman finish their d-con procedure and Ida informs them that she's still developing the cultures. The Middleman suggests she contact the Clotharians and find out what's going on. While they wait, The Middleman explains that a Code 47 is necessary: pre-recorded messages a Middleman makes if they anticipate dying. He plays back several of his prerecorded missions for her. Wendy refuses to make a Code 47, noting that her friends knowing everything about her and she has nothing to say to them. The Middleman records a new message for Wendy, who reminds him that she's in the room. Since the corridors should be contaminated, they contact Ida on the security monitors. She appears inactive and they realize the tape is looped and Ida has been compromised. The Middleman activates the Nakatomi Emergency Protocol, which enlarges the air ducts to a navigable and shuts down the interior sensors. They crawl to Ops and see Interrodroid 6000 using HEYDAR to turn Ida into a walking detonator destroying the entire city in 60 minutes. Ida hears them talking in the vents and orders the Interrodroid 6000 to kill them. They leave the vents and get to the changing room where Wendy acts as bait so The Middleman can rip off the robot's head. The Middleman concludes the virus targeted Ida and they're immune, and comes up with a plan using the Interrodroid's severed head.

Tyler is brought before the board of directors of Fatboy Industries. The head CEO ruthlessly interrogates him about all of his flaws and poor decisions. Tyler defends himself and then notices that the CEO can't pronounce Manservant's name correctly. He identifies other flaws in the board members and realizes that they're all part of one final test of his powers of observation. The proctor arrives and escorts Tyler out.

The Middleman hooks the Interrodroid's head into the phone system and draws upon its memories of the previous Interrodroid to contact the Clotharian High Aldwin. He suggests Wendy make a Code 47 but she refuses. They contact Aldwin, who is now Maximum Aldwin. The Middleman invokes the Perpugilliam Treaty to force Aldwin to explain why he's having them killed. Aldwin informs them that Voyager 2 came through a wormhole and started photographing a secret military base. They send back a payload of nanobots to infiltrate Earth technology and rip it apart from the inside out. The explosion will spread the nanobots across the planet and reduce mankind to Stone Age technology.

Aldwin cuts the transmission and The Middleman suggests they deactivate Ida using her reset switch, which will stop the explosion. However, any attack will set off the explosion prematurely. He proposes using the HEYDAR's shrink ray to reduce him to microscopic and use its particle accelerator to shoot him into Ida'a brain where he'll go to her cortex chamber and hit the reset switch. However, Ida is hooked up to HEYDAR. Fortunately, there's a Baby HEYDAR. Wendy dresses up as the Interrodroid and goes into Ops, and stumbles around to create a distraction. The Middleman drops into Ops to take the Baby HEYDAR but they're interrupted when the new Interrodroid 7000 arrives. The two Interrodroids accuse each other of being a fake. Ida shoots the new arrival first and then prepares to kill Ida. The Middleman shoots the HEYDAR connector, dropping it on Ida. They get out the door but Ida gets the drop on her. The Middleman is forced to shrink Wendy and then shoot her into Ida's sinus cavity. She heads for the brain while The Middleman tries to stay one step ahead of Ida. He explains that it's crucial that she get out of Ida's body when she hits the reset switch. If she's inside Ida when enlarged, she'll be shredded.

Wendy spots the nanobots working inside of Ida's body. The Middleman warns that they're indestructible and attack in swarms, and advises Wendy to evade them.

Tyler is preparing to leave when Manservant Neville arrives but is astonished that Tyler is turning down his offer. Neville notes that the world crushes those with talent and he's offering Tyler the chance to change the world. He needs a right hand man, someone with music in their soul.

With 17 minutes left, Wendy gets to the hatch to Ida's cerebral cortex. The Middleman tells her to outsmart them. Ida finds him and warns that no matter what he does, she'll explode sooner or later and spread the nanobots. The Middleman manages to disarm Ida and wrap her up in chains. Inside of Ida, Wendy draws off the nanobots and slips into the cortex chamber. A diplomatic well-dressed Ida greets her: the representation of Ida's brain. They have five minutes left but Ida warns her that the nanobots have already trashed the reset switch. Ida has a new suggestion: send her back to OS2TK and they'll wipe her body of the virus. Ida knows how to send faulty equipment back and Wendy realizes there's an access point in Middleman HQ.

The Middleman brings Ida's body to Ops with three minutes left. Ida's brain instructs him in how to open a secret panel to reveal a pneumatic tube. The Middleman places Ida's body in the tube but the nanobots start to break in to the cortex chamber. Ida explains that if Wendy is sent back inside of Ida's body, OS2TK will dispose of her for good.

With time running out, Wendy insists that The Middleman send her back and sends her own Code 47 to him. She thanks him for being a father figure to her since her own father disappeared, and giving her the chance to be his sidekick. He tells her never to give up and she remembers the nanobots are indestructible. She lets the nanobots in and tells The Middleman to enlarge her. The nanobots come in and advance on Wendy, who gives the order to The Middleman to enlarge her. Wendy explodes out… protected by the enlarging nanobots' indestructible body. The Middleman sends Ida's body on to OS2TK with seconds to spare and the lockdown ends. The nanobots are harmless with no technology to enter from the inside to dismantle. Wendy asserts that everything that she said, she meant.

Later, Wendy meets with Tyler and discovers he's wearing a suit and has taken a job as Manservant Neville's assistant. They stroll away, happy. At Middleman HQ, The Middleman tries to open the panel again and discovers the pneumatic tube is now gone. The new Ida arrives, back to her old self, and The Middleman wishes her a good night.

Pop Culture References

 * Tyler mentions Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, a drink from Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy".
 * Lacey mentions U2 lead singer Bono. Noser goes on to also mention Buddha and The Wizard of Oz.
 * The name of the NASA guy, Lethbridge-Stewart, is also the name of "The Brigadier" from Doctor Who. He is one of the founders of UNIT, an organisation that defends Earth from alien threats.
 * The "Zygon-Rated" containment box - the Zygons are a Doctor Who villain.
 * Wendy references British comedian Graham Chapman and the Vestal Virgins.
 * When talking to Maximum Aldwin, MM references the Treaty of PeriPerpugilliam, which is the (Nickname)(Full 1st name) of a companion of the 5th and 6th Doctor Who, Peri Brown.
 * While discussing whether Ida may hurt him, MM references Isaac Asimov's Three Laws Of Robotics, to which Ida (appropriately) responds "Kiss my Asimov".
 * The name of the Nakatomi Protocol, the reference to villain Hans Gruber, going into the airducts, the use of Ode to Joy, and the following quotes are all from Die Hard:
 * "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."
 * "Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho!"
 * "Yippy-ki-yay mother- ."
 * "Now I know what a TV dinner feels like."
 * "Welcome to the party."
 * "Today John Wayne does not get to ride off into the sunset with Grace Kelly." and "That's Gary Cooper."

Trivia

 * The writing on the Clotharian bomb is Aurebesh, a language used in the Star Wars movies.
 * The first side, as the Middleman states, reads, "Made in Clothar".
 * The second side reads, "Countdown:".
 * The Middleman's recorded Code 47s were recorded during, in order:
 * The Sino-Mexican Revelation
 * The Flying Fish Zombification
 * The Accidental Occidental Conception
 * The Boyband Superfan Interrogation
 * On the Middleman's Code 47 during the events of "The Sino-Mexican Revelation", he advises Wendy, "Cuidado con la pata de la iguana, tiene dedos bifurcados". This is given in Spanish, since the Middleman had advised Wendy to flee to South America to escape the Clan of the Pointed Stick (and because Wendy speaks fluent Spanish). It means, "be careful with the iguana's leg, it has bifurcated (forked) toes".
 * On the schematics of Ida that the Middleman and Wendy examine while planning their counter-nanobot strategy, the lower right corner says, "Schematics drawn by Dr. Zukowski."
 * On the second set of schematics, part of Ida's brain is labeled "Cerebral Vortex".
 * In the same scene, the SCUBA suit used to transport the Peruvian Flying Pike in "The Flying Fish Zombification" can be seen on the shelf behind the Middleman.
 * While Wendy is inside Interrodroid 6000's skeleton, the display in front of her says, "Open Channel: Middleman" on her left and "System Maintenance" on her right. The first later changes to, "Open Channel: Channel 3".
 * The Whilhelm Scream can be heard when Ida destroys the Interrodroid 6000.

Quotes

 * The Middleman: I'll be godfather to an aardvark before I let a debacle like the Viking Mission happen on my watch!
 * Wendy: The Viking Mars Mission? But there was no one on-
 * The Middleman: I'll explain in the car.


 * Wendy: We should be NASA on every mission!
 * The Middleman: It's thinking like that that led to drug-resistant malaria.


 * Tyler: Lacey, I'm a musician!
 * Lacey: And this is like Bono offering you a job.
 * Noser: Bono, Buddha, and the Wizard of Oz.


 * Maximum Aldwin: Three of your Earth weeks ago, Voyager 2 was sucked through a warphole and promptly began taking pictures of a top-secret Clotharian military base! As if flooding the cosmos with your televised reality shows, sitcoms, and competitive cooking programs wasn't bad enough, you primates ecalated to galactic voyeurism!


 * Wendy's Code 47: Hey boss? If you're hearing this, it means the nanobots are outside the hatch and I didn't have enough time to get out of Ida before the cascade overload spreads technology-eating robots from space all over the world. And I just want you to know...I'm kind of okay. You taught me that there are things in life worth dying for. And I'm so glad I got attacked by that tentacled ass-monster back at the lab, and that you framed me so I'd have to be your sidekick, because...I am so proud to be a Middleman. And proud to know you. And I want you to know, that since my dad disappeared, you're the closest thing I've had to a father."

Characters and Locations
Characters introduced in this episode: Locations first seen in this episode:
 * Manservant Neville
 * Fatboy Tower